I don’t care.
I’m attracted to you most of the time.
It’s like your fallopian tube is a Crazy Straw for my spunk. GROSS!
Your eyes are a maze I could get lost in. No, I meant maize. Your eyes are very yellow and busy. I think you might have cataracts.
K (as a text response to everything)
Have your boobs always parted like that? I guess Time is sort of like Moses in that way, huh?
I couldn’t find any tampons so I sellotaped a bunch of q-tips together.
You’re a bitch!-in girlfriend… (close save after girlfriend’s mother walked in on argument)
Not a fan of this whole Frida Kahlo thing you have going on. I don’t like your art, either.
I KNOW your mouth goes wider, I was there when you were having your root canal!
There’s no medical imperative for you to lose weight, just a relationship one.
Love handle would indicate that I can get my hand around it. And that I love you.
Couldn’t you just fake one for the team?
I don’t like you being the same height as me so I’ve removed the heels from all of your shoes.
Well she did such a bad job on the back massage I really felt like I was owed that happy ending.
Your shoulder hair is tickling me.
I wish you’d be as gallant with my penis as you are with my toothbrush.
Haha, don’t you mean, please read your feminist WO-MANUSCRIPT? Your breasts look really great today.
Researched by Khyan